Holding his hand over the flat of the knife Marco cut the apple into halves. Slicing it down the middle he cut two large slices and then balanced those properly and cut them in half as well. This was the second apple he was working on, the other slices set beside on a try, not perfect but edible.
Finishing this he set the knife down and moved the apples one by one to a paper plate and got some peanut butter out of the cabinet above the kitchen. His fingers brushed against it but he saw the tape on it and read the name written in sloppy black sharpie. Setting the jar on the counter he looked at the ground and squeezed the jar tightly feeling his eyes sting.
“He loved that stuff.”
Marco looked over his shoulder and though she startled him he remained composed. Though Sarah saw through it almost immediately as she walked over to him. “Yeah he did,” he replied. “When we were in college he damn near lived off it. I had to fight him to buy other things all the time.”
“I can see him doing that. Being stubborn about it,” she said softly and standing by him at the counter. Her hair was messy and clumped up, her eyes had bags under them and were various states of blood shot. Shakily she reached toward an apple and took a bite. The crunch was loud and satisfying.
“I’m glad you’re eating,” he smiled at her. “Even though you asked, I was afraid you still wouldn’t.”
“My body was getting upset with me. I had to compromise.” She forced a smile and looked out the window. “And I know you haven’t been eating much either.”
“Too busy making sure you’re okay,” he replied turning around and picking up a slice of apple. “Easier to focus on you.”
“I still haven’t processed it. I can’t imagine you have.”
“No. Not really I haven’t.”
She reached out and stroked his cheek slowly, feeling the facial hair that grew back prickly. Brushing her thumb against it and down his chin she watched her hands shake.
“Eat,” he told her kissing her hand lightly. “And then maybe we can both shower.”
“Maybe.”
The apartment felt empty in a lot of ways. It wasn’t big, just right for two people but smaller for three. And yet they made it their home together. Built something out of work, love and their personalities all coming together. And now a third of that was gone and suddenly it felt too big. It felt hollow.
Marco took the tray with him into the living room and Sarah sat on the couch. The couch had a ruffled blanket and a few haphazard pillows thrown against one side of it. The circle chair had a similar set up to it with the blanket and pillows.
She folded her legs and leaned against the back of the couch. He sat beside her putting the tray on his lap and crunched on an apple again. The silence that hung was a constant companion, something that had joined their lives since Jack left it. And neither of them knew how to get rid of it anymore. No, it wasn’t that. Neither of them wanted to fill the silence.
“I had a dream. About him this morning,” she said softly and Marco looked at her surprised but nodded. She took another apple slice and frowned harder. “It was so real I felt like it was. He was in one piece. Looked the same and was smiling. Smiling that stupid smile.”
She felt herself shudder and her breath hitch for a moment. Breathing slowly and catching her breath she shook her head. Marco’s hand rested on her thigh and she squeezed it hard, holding onto him.
“He said he was sorry. Sorry for doing something stupid,” she laughed hollowly at that. “Can you believe that? Him saying sorry for doing something stupid. Even in a dream that’s so like him.”
“Yeah it is,” Marco tried to smile but it came out like a hard grimace.
“He was asking me why I hadn’t been going out there. Why I wasn’t showing up for meetings. Why I hadn’t used my stone since then. Why I wasn’t still trying to save the world.”
He could remember the day she came back and told him what happened. The hole that tore through his heart that his best friend and boyfriend was gone. And that Sarah could be taken away from him doing the exact same thing. It didn’t take much convincing to make her put the stone away.
“I told him that I didn’t want to lose you too. That I didn’t want to die trying to do this and abandon you as well.” She felt the tears in her eyes again and bent over forward. “I told him I didn’t want to go back out there. I didn’t want to fight again.”
“I know,” Marco told her turning her chin. He felt her tears against his hand she looked at him shakily and let go of his hand and wiped her eyes. He pushed the tray onto the table and pulled her close against him. She took a slow breath keeping her face against his chest for a moment.
“But I have to do this,” she pushed against him and looked up at him. “Jack told me if I don’t help them the they’ll keep coming. And if I lose you because I don’t fight I wouldn’t forgive myself.”
“And what stops you from dying? From being killed out there like Jack was?” he said almost angrily and shut his eyes as the tears started spilling out. “I can’t see you go out there and be terrified of if you’ll ever come back.”
“They can’t do this without me,” she jumped to her feet knocking over the tray of apples and the table. “I can’t let the world get destroyed knowing I could have stopped it! I can’t lose you because I didn’t do anything! I can’t lose you and Jack!”
They stared at each other fighting their tears and failing. Sarah stumbled over to him touching his face and then wrapped her arms around him tightly shaking her head. “I loved Jack,” Marco said softly. “And I love you. I wish I could have been there. Been there to watch your back. To watch Jack’s. But I couldn’t and now I’m scared.”
“I know. Jack didn’t just do it because he thought it was cool. And he definitely did,” a laugh jumped out of her mouth and she smiled. “But he did it to protect me and you. And now I have to protect you. You and everyone.”
They both looked at each other and then jumped slightly startled. They knew what is was. They had ignored it before but Sarah stared at Marco eyes downcast.
Marco stared at her, held her as tight as he could but finally whispered, “Go.”
“Are you sure?” He nodded and she nodded back holding him tightly. “I love you.”
“I love you too. Always.”
The Harlequin Library 